The Unknown

Reflection # 9

The Unknown.

This Uncomfortableness.

This strange feeling of forced hope.

This cause of insecurity and vulnerability.

I can’t lie. I’m struggling at the moment with this idea. Up to a certain age we are pointed in the “right” direction, given steps and tips on becoming this person who in the end will create stability. In a sense, this is a home  for our developed souls, for us to be ourselves, comfortable and have a calm with no worries. Our parents protect us from the unknown, because they don’t want us to go through the inevitable stresses they once were welcomed too. Because of the unknown.

The Unknown = My Journey

My Journey = Me

If this equation is correct, why won’t I allow the journey to progress on its own? Am I scared of who I actually may be? Am I scared of the real me? Am I scared of all the failures and accomplishments I may endure.

Why yes I am scared. Shit scared of the endless memories I will have outside of my own control.

I wish I could be free of the fear. This fear is beginning to turn me into a snail. Shamed and scared to expose this unsureness that reads all over my face. This wanting to be alone to discover this “Sophia identity”.

The funny thing about all this is that I realize this about myself. I talk about this with others. I’m aware of my fears. I’m not in denial.

A lot turn spiritually to get some clear guidance, but even with that it is still unclear. If I, Sophia, cannot figure out who I am, how can I have this belief that someone else can.

I am religious, for more reasons than one. Such an organic relationship I have created between me and the man above. I guess my main question is, do I let go of ALL and LET God? or is it a 45%-55% relationship? Am I holding my end of the bargain?  I just have so many questions and I would like to demand answers but even when I’m faced with answers I still have questions.

I’m Inquisitive.

Nothing is ever good enough. I want arrows as a form of direction and a written book about how to be Sophia.

Only time will tell they say. So maybe the unknown is going to be my reality for a while and I, Sophia, need to just get adjusted to it.

Life isn’t a Cinderella story, I’m very clear about that. My life therefore has no story as of yet, because it has never been created. Every day I awake, with the unknown, is a new day for me to discover and live the life I was blessed to have. So in the end maybe having the chance to have access to the unknown is a blessing in disguise. Maybe I just need to accept the fact that I am blessed. View the unknown as  a gift from the man upstairs.

Therefore I guess,

The Unknown = Me.

That is who I ideally may be.

Personal Goals vs. Your Environment

Reflection # 8

Personal Goals vs. Your Environment

So, yea, it’s been a while. I’ve been super busy, with my resume business and this wonderful website of mine. Adding content on a weekly, sometimes daily basis. Trying to give it love and attention to continuously immerse it into greatness.

With that being said, it’s time to post my actual thoughts. Post my actual opinions, so as a reader you can get a look into who I am. It’s time for me to vent and just “talk”.

Personal goals, we all have them I hope. From losing weight to picking up a new hobby, personal goals are what keeps us progressing towards an improved version of ourselves. No personal goal is stupid in my opinion, personal goals form you into your own identity. Although we may have desired accomplishments, our environment; people, living situation, jobs, state, weather etc., may not allow us to pursue it.  I find myself getting caught in between choosing which one I would like to control my destiny. It’s hard to have the same focus and effort on your own personal goals if your environment is not always supportive.

I find myself distanced from things I don’t want to entertain for a long period of time. Or sometimes I find myself saying “ahhh f it all, I’ll be fine with a little fun or a distraction from my personal goal”. What I’m struggling most with currently is choosing what my personal goals should be. I toss ideas in my head on a daily, but it seems like my environment is still effecting my personal goals. Environment influences directly related to finances. I mean think about it, if someone would write you a blank check towards something you really need what would you ask for? I believe I would ask for financial support to complete some certifications and possibly go back to school. The thought of adding on more debt with loans is not an option for me. I will not continue to be this financial slave. Always paying bills to help entities around me and barely being able to help myself….

I’m going to figure it out though. I will not let this break me down. Where there is a will, there is definitely a way. I will get this done. I always gave myself until 30 years old to be completed with Grad’s school. I have a few more months to figure this out

As you can see there is a lot on my mind because I always getting side tracked with my own thoughts.

The purpose of this post is to let you realize there will always be outside influences (your environment) that can affect your personal goals.

Don’t let it deteriorate you.

If you want it, you can obtain it.

You just have to be focused and proactive.